


This is Rio

by osaycanyousolo



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-29 05:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7672570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osaycanyousolo/pseuds/osaycanyousolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a spark. A glimmering hope. A chance. And then suddenly it was over. This was Rio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Zealand

            As Kelley stepped onto the field of the empty stadium for the first time, a calmness came over her. It was almost as if she was home. Her teammates giggled and cheered around her, marveling at the cathedral-like nature of the stadium. This was real. They were here. This was Rio.

            “Does this feel familiar?” Hope asked, coming up from behind her, brushing against her shoulder lightly.

            “Yes,” she breathed, her eyes taking in the bright sun, the green grass, the feel of Hope beside her.

            “Good,” Hope answered. “Make it your home.”

            Kelley turned to Hope, a reply on the tip of her tongue, but it was lost as Hope turned slowly and walked away. Kelley watched her go, fully aware of the difference four years made. This time Kelley was ready, confident, and determined. No longer was she the scared, attacker turned defender. Now she was a veteran and she knew she belonged.

***

            Hope breathed in deeply as she lined up next to her teammates, proud to stand once again on sacred ground. Had someone told her many years ago that she’d be starting in her third Olympic games, she secretly would have laughed them off. Back then 35 seemed so old. She would have guessed her body would have given out by now. Thankfully, she was still here. Still hungry. Still ready to leave everything on the field for her teammates.

            She snuck a quick look down the line. Her eyes rested on the determined looking starting right back. Kelley’s eyes focused on the flag in front of her, her hand firmly on her chest, her twitching ankles giving away her nervousness. Hope smiled in spite of herself. The kid had come a long way, but she still had a lot left to prove.

***

            “Fuck,” Kelley muttered to herself as the ball sailed past her. She hit the gas and slid toward the ball, nearly taking out her former teammate in the process. She was rewarded with some spikes to the gut. Her protests were heard as the ref pulled the yellow card from her pocket. Kelley nodded to herself as she walked back to position.

            “Kell!” Hope yelled from her line. “Kell, you gotta fall back on those! Don’t let her get behind you!”

            “Got it boss!” Kelley yelled back with a wave. She took off after the ball, allowing Hope’s reminder to settle within her. That was the thing about the keeper, Kelley never took her reminders as criticism, but as wisdom. She’d do just about anything that woman told her to. She trusted her endlessly.

            A short time later the ball quickly returned to the box and Kelley sprinted toward it. She narrowly squeezed between two attackers, effectively clearing the ball, but providing New Zealand with a corner.

            “Thanks Kell,” Hope called to her as she walked backwards toward the goal. “I had it though.”

            “You should have a called me off then,” Kelley replied with a smirk, sticking her hand out in the keeper’s direction for a high five, while continuing to walk backwards toward the box. She turned and smiled as Hope’s chuckle came closer.

            “Ok fair enough. Thanks kid,” Hope said, striking the tips of Kelley’s fingers with her own gloved hand.

            “Don’t worry Solo, I gotchu,” Kelley told her, positioning herself near the back corner of the box.

            As she watched the New Zealand player set the ball down on the corner she could have sworn she hear Hope mutter, “I know.”

***

            The boos were gaining steam. The new chant of “Zika” after she punted the ball was getting old quickly, but Hope actively tried to shut it out. There was so little time left and New Zealand was desperate for a goal. She could see their determination. Their desperation was palpable. She just had to maintain her focus. For a few more minutes.

            New Zealand’s attacking players were closing in, threading the defense, getting behind the back line. Hope unconsciously glanced at the clock, knowing it would continue to say 90:00 until the whistle blew. She quickly diverted her attention back to the movement toward her. Suddenly the ball was arching her direction. She followed its trajectory, falling to her knees, effectively plucking it from harm’s way.

            “Yeah!” a familiar voice yelled encouragingly. A friendly voice amid the boos. Hope rose to her knees and turned to see Kelley approaching her with a smile. She matched Kelley’s smile, meeting her eyes briefly. Kelley’s hands settled on her arms reassuringly, slowly trailing up to her shoulders and ending with an encouraging squeeze. “Fucking show em boss!”

            Hope tapped Kelley’s leg thankfully before standing. She let the boos wash over her. They were playing her song after all.

***

            “Hey you cool?” Kelley asked quietly through the crack between the two seats on the bus. Hope has just taken her seat behind her. Kelley had watched her come down the aisle, her eyes down, no longer interacting with her teammates.

            “Yeah, I’m good. Just moving on. I’m ready for the next one,” Hope said simply while rummaging through her bag. Her eyes actively avoided Kelley’s.

            “Dude for real,” Kelley prompted, swinging around her seat and swiftly landing in the seat beside Hope. Hope looked at her incredulously, as if she’s committed a cardinal sin. Kelley smirked at her for a second before asking, “No I’m being serious. Are you really ok? I never could have handled that.”

            “Don’t worry Kell, I’m fine. This isn’t the first time I’ve been booed and it’s certainly not the last. It’s my theme song, didn’t you know?” Hope said, her attempt at levity falling flat.

            “Come on Hope. I’m being serious,” Kelley prodded again, her hand resting reassuringly on Hope’s arm.

            Hope swallowed thickly at the touch. “Kelley. I’m fine. I promise you. Do you need me to pinky swear?” she asked.

            “Yes,” Kelley replied, deadpanned.

            “Oh my god,” Hope muttered before putting up her pinky finger. “I swear to you that I’m fine. It’s not my favorite thing in the world, but I had a feeling this could happen. I’m ok, I swear to you. Don’t worry about me.”

            Kelley nodded and hooked her pinky around Hope’s. Hope attempted to take her pinky back, but Kelley firmly held it hostage. “Do you promise to tell me if you’re not ok?” Kelley asked seriously.

            Hope searched the younger player’s eyes. Finding them filled with kindness and genuine concern she sighed and nodded. “Yes,” she squeezed the defender’s pinky with her own. “I promise Kell. I will tell you if I’m not ok.”

            “Ok,” Kelley whispered and nodded, but did not break eye contact with Hope.

            Hope felt herself pulled into Kelley’s orbit and suddenly pulled her hand back. “Ok,” she agreed a little louder and then forced a smirk. “Now get the hell out of my seat.”

            Kelley snorted a laugh and shook her head. “Ok boss,” she agreed, getting up from her seat as the bus started to move. Hope watch her plop herself back in her own seat and look toward the night sky out of the bus window.

            Hope took a deep breath and muttered, “Thanks kid,” just loud enough for Kelley to possibly hear.

            After a second Kelley’s hand flew over the back of the seat, a thumbs up displayed in front of Hope’s face. “I gotchu dude,” Kelley’s reply floated faintly between the seats.

            Hope laughed to herself and popped Kelley’s fist back over the top of the seat. The ensuing chuckle made her smile. This finally felt familiar. This finally felt like home.


	2. France

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second game of the tournament against France.

            Kelley set down her breakfast plate on the table next to Hope. If the keeper looked up from her book, Kelley didn’t catch it. The defender walked away briefly to acquire some beverages and returned double fisting some orange juice. She set them down above her plate and silently took her seat.

            “That’s a lot of Vitamin C, Kell,” Hope noted, placing her bookmark in her book and turning toward the defender.

            “I always drink this much OJ in the morning,” Kelley pointed out before taking a healthy sip from one of the glasses.

            “What, no chocolate milk?” Hope teased, a smile forming at the corners of her lips.

            “Nah, you know that’s strictly for recovery,” Kelley replied with a wink.

            “Are you sure you’re 28?” Hope asked skeptically.

            “Yep. Wanna cut me open and count the rings?” Kelley asked, raising her eyebrows as she picked up her fork.

            “I think I’ll pass,” Hope replied, sipping her coffee. She stared off, seemingly toward the door, for a moment before turning back to Kelley and asking, “So what’s up O’Hara?”

            “I’m just here for my orders Boss,” Kelley replied, her words muffled by her mouthful of cantaloupe.

            “You know your orders. Same as last game. Same as last time we played them,” Hope said calmly, setting her coffee mug back on the table.

            “Yeah ok, but without JJ-” Kelley started, but was quickly cut off by Hope.

            “We’re fine. Whit’s got it. Just don’t float too high and make sure you defend like your life depends on it ok? Because it does,” Hope stated abruptly.

            “Aye aye boss,” Kelley replied with a mock salute before stuffing a piece of toast into her mouth. After chewing it thoroughly, she asked, “So, um, do you think they are going to chant all that shit again?”

            Hope snorted a laugh and nodded, “I don’t think they will, I know they will. It’s going to be the whole tournament.”

            “That’s so annoying,” Kelley shook her head and chanced a glance at Hope, who looked unaffected.

            “We haven’t played out of the country for a while, so we haven’t had to deal with this, but you know how it is. Not everybody likes us and for certain not everyone likes me. But it’s not just us, it’s happening in every game,” Hope pointed out.

            “It’s like that vuvuzela crap from South Africa only super offensive,” Kelley snorted and shook her head.

            “It’s fine. If they want to shout the name of a worldwide pandemic at me that’s their prerogative. I can tune it out,” Hope told her, cockiness lacing her tone.

            “Of course you can. It still bugs me though,” Kelley admitted, not meeting Hope’s eyes.

            “Don’t let it. It’s not worth it. Just think of it as background noise. We need to win this game. That’s what we need to focus on. That’s what I need you to focus on. Not this crap,” Hope replied, her head tilted meaningfully toward Kelley.

            “Ok, I got it. I’m on it. No worries,” Kelley assured her.

            “Alright then, let’s get it done,” Hope replied with a smile and a nod.

***

            Hope took a deep breath as she positioned herself for the corner. She yelled at her defense as she moved them around the box like chess pieces. Her heart rate had been sky high for the last twenty minutes. She’d had more to do in this half than she’d had the whole of the previous game. But she was ready for it.

            The ball arced toward her and she jumped up to pluck it out of the air. Her body crashed into the crowd as she protectively wrapped her arms around the ball. She registered the chorus of boos in the background, but shouted over them to Kelley as she rolled the ball her way. Kelley nodded quickly and received the ball with determination. Hope backpedaled to her line and watched the ball come back her direction. It was going to be a long afternoon.

***

            Kelley watched uneasily as the play developed. This could be trouble. The ball arched dangerously toward the goal. Kelley sprang into action, intercepting the ball before Hope had to make a tricky decision, and cleared it out of the box.

            “Thanks kid,” Hope said, relief evident in her smile and held out a gloved fist to Kelley.

            Kelley nodded and met Hope’s fist briefly with her own. “I said I had you, Boss. I meant it,” she said as she trotted past. She smiled as Hope immediately started barking orders. She knew that was all the thanks she’d get. It was all she needed.

***

            Hope looked around the locker room after the game. The discussions were long since over and most of her teammates were packing up their belongings or chatting quietly in huddled groups. Even though they had come out with a win, the battle had left them weary. Hope looked around for Kelley, wanting to touch base on a couple of things, but frowned when she couldn’t quickly locate her.

            “Hey Becky, where’s Kelley?” Hope asked, turning to the defender whose locker was close to her own.

            “Um,” Becky started, scanning the crowd. She frowned slightly and shrugged. “I don’t know. She may have gone to see the trainer.”

            Hope thanked her and then headed for the trainer’s area around the corner. She could hear Dawn and some of the trainers talking in the hall outside of the training room door. She walked up and saw them standing outside the partially open door. She spotted Kelley inside, still in uniform, talking with the head trainer.

            “Hey Solo,” Dawn greeted. “Looking for your girl?”

            Hope let the barb slide and asked, “Yeah, is she good?”

            “Seems like it. He’s almost finished with concussion protocol. She took quite a knock to the side of her head. She seems alright to me, but it’s precautionary. I don’t know how he’s going to decide if she’s impaired or not, that kid’s always been a bit mental, ya know?” Dawn said with a snort.

            Hope shook her head and smirked. Before she could reply, the head trainer exited and reported to Dawn that Kelley had passed. The party dispersed as everyone went their separate ways. Hope quietly entered the training room to find Kelley gingerly touching an ice bag to the side of your face.

            “You know, I hope that’s not how they taught you to head the ball at Stanford,” Hope teased as she made eye contact with Kelley.

            Kelley snorted a quiet laugh. “I was defending like my life depended on it,” she retorted.

            “Fair enough. You played great today. I just wanted to make sure I told you that,” Hope replied, hopping up on the training table next to Kelley’s and facing the younger player.

            “Thanks,” Kelley said, slowly turning her body to Hope’s. “So did you miss me or do you have some finer point of my game that you’d like to discuss?”

            Hope smiled and replied, “Those can wait. I’m just glad you’re ok. Once I heard you might be in here, I wanted to check on you. Make sure I don’t lose another starting defender.”

            “I’m sure Krieger would kill for the chance to fill that role,” Kelley muttered, holding the ice pack to her jaw.

            “Yeah well, I’m sure she would too, but for the time being the spot is yours ok? Act like you want it,” Hope reprimanded her.

            “I do want it!” Kelley exclaimed, pulling the ice back from her jaw. She winced at her own volume and then started again. “I do want it. You know I want it. I’m sorry. It was just a long game and I feel like I got run over by a truck. Thank god we have you. You carried us the whole first half. We couldn’t do shit.”

            “Yeah well, that’s my job ok? Good defense wins games. And no matter how else we play, it’s my job to make sure they don’t score,” Hope reminded her.

            “Well I hope all those Zika chanters saw how good you are. Hopefully that will shut them up,” Kelley grumbled, setting the mostly melted ice bag off to the side.

            “It won’t. You know it won’t. Why does this bother you so much?” Hope asked, her head tilted to the side, puzzled by Kelley’s persistence on the topic.

            “Because it’s not fair Hope. It’s not ok. You are the best keeper in the world and these assholes just decide that they are going to harass you. You don’t deserve that. You never get the recognition you deserve. Today you were the best player on the field and I bet they gave someone else the woman of the match,” Kelley replied, her voice colored with indignation.

            Hope snorted, “Yeah, Allie.”

            “Krieger?!? She barely played twenty minutes!” Kelley exclaimed.

            “Not Krieger. Long,” Hope told her calmly.

            “Shuuuuuuut up!” Kelley drawled incredulously. “Are you kidding me?”

            “It’s fine. Just let it go,” Hope replied, exhaustion creeping in. She slid off the table and made to leave, but Kelley gently grabbed her arm.

            “It’s not ok. I know it. You know it. We all know it. We’d be lost without you. You’re our rock,” she said, carefully shaking Hope’s arm for emphasis. “And not just for our defense. We all play better because we know you are back there to save our asses. You’re our constant.”

            “Thanks Kell,” Hope said, giving her a small smile and a pat on the knee. Kelley let go of her arm and nodded. “Rest up ok?” Hope told her as she moved toward the door. “This thing is just starting.”

***

            Kelley watched the keeper walk to the door, drained and weary. She took a deep breath, herself surprised at the amount of protectiveness she felt for the keeper. She wondered, not for the first time if it was something more. This was turning out to be London all over again.

            _But not really,_ she told herself. The differences were important. No longer was she the inexperienced kid thrust into the back line out of necessity. No longer did she feel like she didn’t belong on this team and in the starting line-up. No longer was she trying to earn the trust of the notoriously closed off keeper and her teammates.

            No, this was different. She was different. She’d earned this starting spot. She’d earned the respect from her teammates and opponents alike. She’d moved past her junior high crush on the beautiful keeper. Now they were colleagues. They were teammates. They were equals. This time they were in it together. This was Rio.


	3. Colombia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley sits under the stars after the draw with Colombia.

            Kelley loosened a slow breath and tilted her head toward the stars. The sounds of the city provided a quiet soundtrack for her after hours pool lounging. The bus ride back from the game had been a quiet one, an underlying tension suffocating in the already humid air. She’d needed some time to regroup, to refocus, to keep herself from freaking out. This felt wrong. Again she felt herself comparing this tournament to London. There they’d always found a way to win. If tonight was any indication, perhaps their luck was running out.

            The double doors leading to the air-conditioned interior of the hotel opened briefly. Kelley closed her eyes, hoping whoever it was would leave her alone. She sighed quietly as the person approached and dragged a lounge chair in her direction.

            “Roof was locked huh?” Hope asked quietly as she settled herself into a chair.

            “Probably,” Kelley shrugged after a moment. “I didn’t check.”

            Hope nodded and briefly looked up into the South American sky. “You ok?” she inquired, a note of concern in her voice.

            Kelley grunted quietly. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” she responded testily.

            “Why? Because I had a bad game?” Hope shot back, her tone guarded.

            “That and you had that look all night,” Kelley replied, losing the attitude that had previously colored her words.

            “I’m fine. I had a bad game. We had a bad game. Thankfully we did enough to get where we need to be. It will be fine,” Hope told her. Her words less than convincing.

            “Will it?” Kelley asked quietly. “Because it doesn’t feel like it.”

            “It was just one game. We’ll recover. We always do. We always find a way,” Hope responded quickly.

            “What if we can’t? What if this time we can’t shake this off? What if it doesn’t go our way?” Kelley prodded desperately. She sat up and faced Hope, searching the other woman’s face for answers.

            “Kell, we’ll be fine. What’s this really about?” Hope replied calmly.

            “Nothing,” Kelley said quickly. Because it was nothing. It had to be nothing. It couldn’t be something again.

            “That wasn’t very convincing,” Hope responded, trying to meet Kelley’s eyes. “What’s really going on?”

            Kelley looked away and swallowed. When she turned back to Hope, her face was a mask of calmness. “Nothing. This tournament just has me really stressed. I’m fine,” she lied easily.

            Hope looked unconvinced, but replied, “Ok. You know you can talk to me right?”

            “Yeah, of course,” Kelley said, swallowing hard and nodding emphatically.

            “Ok, well don’t stay out here too long,” Hope said with a smirk.

            Kelley rolled her eyes and replied, “Dude go inside before someone sees you out here uncovered.”

            Hope snorted a laugh and patted Kelley on the knee before standing up and making her way to the hotel doors. Kelley watched her walk away and forcefully pushed down the old feelings that had haunted her for the last four years. She clenched her jaw against the wash of residual feelings that popped up every time she thought about London. She wouldn’t be that girl anymore. Things were different now. For better or worse, things were different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to actually end this instead of just giving up on it. Fair warning, much like our trip to Rio, it's not a happy ending.


	4. Sweden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And just like that, it was over.

            Kelley’s heart sank as she watched Christen’s penalty kick fly over the top goalpost. She knew it was over. In spite of this fact, she shouted encouragements first to Christen and then directed all of her last vestiges of hope toward the woman now standing between the posts. It was a futile attempt, she knew. They’d essentially already lost. The unthinkable had happened. They were about to lose in the quarterfinals of the Olympics. They weren’t going to have a chance at a medal. They were about to be the biggest disappointment of any US women’s soccer team that had ever played in any Olympic games.

            Kelley closed her eyes as the Swedish player ran at the ball. She swallowed back emotion as the crowd roared with excitement and her teammates went silent around her. She opened her eyes and swallowed hard. It really was over.

***

            The bus ride back to the hotel was excruciating, but Hope didn’t care. Her headphones drowned out the silent bus with a beat so angry it was calming. No one made eye contact with her. No one attempted to talk to her. No one looked her way.

            She sat down forcefully in her usual seat and stared out the window into the rising darkness, refusing to look at her infuriated reflection. She registered Kelley sitting in the seat directly in front of her. Her anger ebbed for a moment as her heart broke for Kelley. Kelley who had tried so hard to earn her spot and taken so much shit for it. She didn’t deserve this.

            Hope tilted her head slightly so that she could see Kelley’s reflection in the window. She looked away quickly seeing the defeat on the younger player’s face. They’d had a chance at something. There had been a small spark. And now it was gone.

***

            Kelley took a deep breath before raising her fist to knock on the hotel door. She paused for a second as she internally debated whether she really wanted to do this or not. Finally, she swallowed hard and rapped three times on the door. She waited nervously as footfalls approached her from the other side.

            She took a surprised step back when Carli aggressively opened the door. The captain looked her up and down before muttering, “She’s on the roof.”

            Kelley nodded, swiftly turned and fled away from Carli’s stern look. The door slammed quickly behind her. Kelley headed first for the elevator and then turned toward the stairs. She needed a little more time to think. Hope was on the roof. Of course she was.

***

            Hope stood near the edge of the roof, her arms crossed and her shoulders hunched, as she looked out over the winking lights of a country that collectively hated her. She fumed about the chants and the game and the penalty kicks and the loss and the shit she’d gotten from everyone about her words. _Fucking twitter,_ she thought angrily. She had a feeling this was going to haunt her.

            The door to the roof swung open behind her. She tilted her head toward the sky and took in a deep breath. The last thing she wanted was a visitor, but she knew that Carli wouldn’t be bothering her and only would have told one person where she was if they came knocking.

            “Don’t get us locked out Kell,” Hope said over her shoulder, trying to keep the annoyance out of her tone.

            “Yeah, yeah, I got it. I wouldn’t want you to be stuck up here with me,” Kelley shot back as she stuck the makeshift door stop in front of the door.

            Hope snorted a soft laugh at the comment, but said nothing. She continued to look out over the city. Kelley came to stand next to her, mirroring her crossed arms and hunched shoulders. “Hey,” Hope greeted her quietly after a few minutes of silence.

            “Hey,” Kelley replied flatly, her usual upbeat tone completely absent.

            “You ok?” Hope asked, her tone equally devoid of happiness.

            “No. This sucks,” Kelley stated calmly. “You?”

            “No,” Hope admitted after a quiet beat. “But that’s soccer. I know that. You know that. You win some, you lose some, that’s the game.”

            “You’re full of shit,” Kelley said simply.

            Hope huffed a laugh and replied, “Fuck you.”

            “Is that an invitation?” Kelley said wryly.

            Hope shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Knock it off. Don’t be crass,” she said, pointing her eyes downward at the younger player.

            “Whatever, that was barely suggestive. Now if I had said, ‘Where do you want to fuck me?’ then that would have been crass. I was merely asking a question,” Kelley pointed out.

            “Jesus Christ Stanford, you’re in the wrong profession. Maybe you should have been a lawyer,” Hope teased, some of her anger ebbing away as she looked at Kelley’s mischievous face.

            “God that would be so boring. I’d have to wear pantsuits. Can you see me in pantsuits? No thank you,” Kelley retorted, somehow keeping a straight face.

            Hope rolled her eyes again and allowed a semi-amused laugh briefly escape her. “You’re something else O’Hara,” she said.

            The corners of Kelley’s mouth turned up as she fought a smile, but she did not reply. She merely looked out over the city and stood next to Hope’s imposing figure.

***

            Kelley took a deep breath, hesitant to start the conversation she really wanted to. She’d been thinking about the future for a while. Not just her own, but the team’s. And Hope’s. She knew there was no reason for Hope to stay realistically. Kelley’d been waiting for the news to drop for what felt like forever. Now that the games were over for them, she didn’t want to find out from someone else.

            “So,” she started quietly.

            “So,” Hope replied, still staring out into the night, her eyebrows knit in simmering anger.

            “What happens now?” Kelley ventured, her heartbeat speeding up quickly as she swallowed nervously.

            “We go home,” Hope said simply.

            “That’s not what I meant,” Kelley replied, looking down at her feet. She couldn’t meet the keeper’s eyes.

            “Then what did you mean?” Hope asked, her voice laced with a twinge of impatience.

            “Is this it for you? Are you retiring?” Kelley blurted out, deciding that ripping the band aid off was the easiest way.

            Hope paused and turned to Kelley. The look was filled with conflicting emotions. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted.

            “I don’t want you to go,” Kelley replied quickly. She scolded herself internally, knowing she was going to get a sarcastic response.

            “It’s not up to you unfortunately,” Hope supplied, more anger in her words than necessary.

            “I know that,” Kelley responded, pushing away the hurt that was threatening. “I’m just saying this won’t be the same without you. I don’t want you to go because I feel like I have more to learn. And I want you… I know I learn best from you.”

            “Kelley you’re fine. You’ll be fine. That’s not why you want me to stay and we both know it. You want me to… nevermind,” Hope cut herself off abruptly and looked away.

            A flash of shock and anger hit Kelley momentarily. “What exactly are you insinuating?” she asked, her voice revealing her anger.

            Hope sighed. She paused, obviously measuring her words, and then finally said, “I know how you feel about me.”

            “Oh really?” Kelley replied quickly. “And how’s that?”

            Hope turned her whole body to Kelley and stuck her hands in the pockets of her warm up pants. “Let’s not do this ok?” she said calmly.

            “No, you made an insinuation. I want to know what it is you think you know about me,” Kelley replied, turning to face the older woman. Embarrassment flushed through her. Her younger self had betrayed her again.

            “Kelley, I know you had a thing for me in London. I know sometimes it’s there and sometimes it’s not. And I also know that it’s clouded your judgement,” Hope replied with a sigh as if the conversation pained her.

            “Wow,” Kelley scoffed. “Well, then there you go.” She shook her head and turned toward the door. She only got a few steps before Hope called out to her.

            “Wait! I’m sorry Kell. Come back,” Hope said loudly, regret evident in her words. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

            Kelley stopped, but didn’t turn. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. When it didn’t help she decided to let it out. She turned back and threw her hands up, “What do you want from me Hope? I can’t ever figure that out. You want to be friends, but you don’t want my support. You keep leading me on, but you don’t want me to feel anything. What do you want Hope? You just want me to feel shitty? Because if so, mission accomplished.”

            “No, that’s not… that was never… look, I’m sorry ok?” Hope replied, walking toward Kelley slowly, her hands at her side in an attempt to show she meant no harm.

            “Yeah well I’m not sure I really want to accept your apology,” Kelley responded honestly. She crossed her arms and set her jaw, determined not to give in to her breaking heart.

            “I really am sorry. It was a shitty thing to say,” Hope admitted, still moving closer.

            “Yeah that’s the thing right? You’re sorry for your words, but not sorry for everything that’s happened. I did have feelings for you. I know it was obvious, but I was young and fell for this amazing older woman. And then she shut me out. And not just once, but over and over again. And every time my heart broke I pushed it all away a little more,” Kelley said angrily, staring down Hope with every inch of her small frame. Hope didn’t reply, but had the good sense to look ashamed. “And now we’re here. I thought maybe we wouldn’t have to go through this again, but no, I felt myself being pulled into your orbit just like every other time. You know what though? I’m not that kid anymore. Sure it was easy to fall back into our old patterns, but the difference is that now I know it’s better on the other side. So thanks Hope, for reminding me of that.”

            Hope looked down and nodded. Kelley waited for some type of response. She didn’t know what she wanted to hear from the keeper, but she was confident in the fact that her words were true. She was no longer the puppy that followed Hope around and put her first before herself. In that moment Kelley realized that it really was over. All of it. The tournament, her feelings for Hope, and her struggle to stay afloat in the overwhelming presence of the keeper. Kelley took in a cleansing breath of cool night air.

            “I really am sorry. I don’t know what else to say,” Hope replied quietly, regret filling her eyes.

            “There’s nothing else to say Hope,” Kelley told her and turned toward the door. “This is goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh. Sometimes there's just not a happy ending. Sorry you guys. Just like Kelley, I saw this going a lot differently a month ago.


End file.
